The Deadwood Writers’ Group met tonight, June 5, at the Barnes & Noble Bookstore in Livonia. It was a good meeting!
Feedback Sessions
We had two pieces of writing to review. One was by Tim Franklyn and the other by Claire Murray.
The feedback for Tim Franklyn’s piece focused on whether or not we noticed any foreboding in the story as well as what did we see as suspenseful? We also talked about what genre we thought his piece would fit in.
The focus of the feedback for Claire Murray’s story focused on whether the readers found the story interesting. And, what could be done to make the story more interesting? Also, would the people giving feedback like to hear more? If so, would they prefer it in story form or as an essay?
After the feedback session, the meeting was adjourned.
Takeaways
Note by John McCarthy:
Giving feedback at the Deadwood Writers’ meeting is a process that is honed and polished from over 23 years of practice. Sessions begin with the author sharing up to 3 areas that they would like feedback from the group. Each area or goal must be specific. For example, instead of saying, “Give me feedback about anything in the draft,” they can ask, “Did you notice any foreboding in the story? If so, please share references. Also share how any spaces where ‘foreboding’ could be improved?”
By asking for feedback in specific areas of the draft, the author sets the focus. This enables readers to hone in on up to 3 specific areas, leading to a rich conversation.
While the group dialogs about the draft, the author remains silent and takes notes. This is a fishbowl where the group talks inside the bowl and the author is on the outside as a spectator.
Finally, the author joins the group to reflect about the feedback. The focus is on what they took away, not on justifying decisions that the readers critiqued. Sometimes more topics for feedback arise that the author asks for during this post-feedback conversations.
We had five submissions to review. We discussed three of the submissions and will dialogue about the other two at the next meeting. The first two talked about were both by Richard — Coward and Bonamoki. Coward was a short piece packed with drama and tragedy as it told the story about the emotional journey of Raul. The emotional ride kept everyone engaged. Due to it’s short length, meaning through spare use of words was important to the telling. The group shared questions about author decisions about descriptions and omissions for such a compact story.
Point of view was another area of conversation. Participants wondered how readers would react to the story if it were told in first person instead of third person. Would the emotional charge be stronger? As always, it’s the author’s decision as to what to experiment and explore with their writing.
Bonamoki is a longer piece that tells the story of Joe, an older man who recently retired, or perhaps semi-retired. He reminisces about his life, both past and present touched several topics about life that people of different generations could relate to and think about from where they stand. Some topics included one’s inherent value once retired with much work experience, value of one’s time, and engaging with grand children. Richard takes an interesting approach of telling the story through Joe’s reflections about his life, it’s meaning, and purpose.
The next draft came from John, who wrote an article, PfISD Esports Program Promotes Student Engagement and Career Skills. The article was for educators and their local community to explore the benefits of esports for students. PfISD is a school district in Austin, Texas that John worked with, and wanted to highlight what they were doing. The group thought that it met it’s intended audience. However, there were several areas for opportunities to expand on the ideas. For example, the original document included a bulleted list of beneifts:
Social Connections
Club and Team Leadership
Casual Competitions through Intramurals
Serious Competitive Play between Schools
Early Marketing and Production Experiences
The group asked for more information about how these points connected with the article focus. Based on their feedback, John added more explanation for each in the final article version.
The blog post is now live on his website and via LinkedIn.
Takeaways
Meaning takes on many different styles and structures. While details are important for fleshing out a piece, word choice and point of view amplify meaning. Having a target audience in mind effects our choice of phrasing, examples, statements, and from what point of view. The three pieces were each different in style and application of these ideas. All succeeded with their intension. Being mindful of the shape and use of words and phrased based on point of view is important to consider in any form of written, recorded, or verbal communication.
Invitation to Write
For the next meeting, each person will bring at least one page of writing on any topic or genre that they choose. Perhaps consider your audience when you write to make you’re own meaning.
The Book Witch: An Urban Fantasy Coming-of-Age Novel, written by K.L. Baxton from our group, is published and available on Amazon. Over part of 2024 and 2025, the group read and discussed the chapters as they were shared. The compelling storytelling led to praise and spirited conversations about author craft ideas. Finally, the book is available for purchase so that the wider audience can enjoy what the Deadwood Writers experienced. Already, the reviews are promising for the novel. Congrats!
Feedback Sessions:
We had two drafts to discuss. Because one writer was not able to attend, we had an engaging conversation about author’s craft regarding Tim’s piece. His story was an action thriller with traces of humor revolving around a man, haunted by choices he made in the past. When he opens his door, the bill may have come due.
Based on Tim’s direction, the focus of our conversation dealt with the concept of “show, don’t tell.” He explored theme, imagery, and word choice in several places of the story to present the main character without directly telling the audience what’s what. For the most part, he nailed it. There were some side bar conversations about the ending of the story, as a cliffhanger or the ultimate show don’t tell mystery, when the final scene shows the main character with the villain pointing a gun at him. However, on the main focus, there were rich moments in the story that the group delved into for conversation about the use of craft. One example that was compelling to me is the poignant memories of his father’s voice from the past juxtaposed with the theme: what does it mean to be a hero? The approach was thoughtfully crafted without heavy handed messaging.
Takeaways:
Stories are created in many ways. One approach is what I call triangulation of ideas. For example, a writer has a character in mind, a situation, and a theme. That combo could be the start of a story. This is not a new idea, but remains relevant. It is a way to get started composing.
What if the triangulation of ideas was combined or enhanced with a classic story premise? For example, there are many books that use the premise of characters thrown into a battle royale. A group goes into the arena, but only one comes out alive. For example: The Squid Games (show), The Hunger Games (novel), Battle Royale (manga), Lord of the Flies (novel), gladiatorial battles (Roman history). Each holds the same premise, yet stand on their own with different characters, situations, settings, and motivations. However, all are remembered by a fan base.
Invitation to Write
For the next meeting, each person will bring at least one page of writing on any topic or genre that they choose. Consider trying the triangulation approach based on a classic premise.
Or not 😉
Join us
Next meeting: May 14 at BN
We meet on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month.
Amazing
Journeys Online Episode 3: Death Offers a New Perspective
The
wolf reached up, extending claws that dug into the tree trunk. In a smooth
movement, she pulled up, back paws gaining purchase. The wolf’s gaze never left
her prey.
Socrates
swallowed. He scanned his “Hero” sheet, which appeared as a white document
hovering in the air. The wolf visible through the translucent page. His stats
were the basic starter set, all tens except for agility, which was an 11.
“Hmm,
that must have been from the strikes with bow and arrow,” he thought. Of course
that would not help in this moment. There had to be something, some skill that
he could use to get himself out of the situation. The list was pitifully short:
Herblore – Rank 1: Locate and identify basic
herbs from levels 1-10.
Cat’s Landing – Rank 1: Cushion landing from
falls of 10 x Skill level + Character level for percent success: Currently 11%
for up to 10 feet. Half for each 10 additional feet.
Climbing – Rank 1: 10% bonus to success to
climbing, minus difficulty of the surface attempted.
Skinning – Rank 3: Skin animals for useable
leather: 14% bonus to success
Fletcher – Rank 2: Make and repair arrows: 12%
bonus to success
Bowyer – Rank 2: Repair and make bows: 12%
bonus to success.
Archer – Rank 3: +2% chance of critical success
to hits.
First Aid – Rank 1: Can make bandages and treat
wounds that are basic.
Nothing.
Socrates sighed. He looked down and jumped in fright. He landed while clumsily
grabbing for branches above him. Vertigo swam through his head as the branch
above him bent, lowering him forward where the wolf glared, her breath hot and
fowl against his face.
As he
scrambled for footing, the wolf reached a paw and sunk claws into the branch
beside his foot. He immediately stamped on the paw, once, twice, three times. The
wolf howled, snatching it’s paw back and scrambling down three feet.
Socrates
breathed hard, hugging the trunk, and glaring down at the wolf. All he wanted
to do was smash that smug face. Just once, before he became lunch. Suddenly, an
idea came to him. He brought up the digital character sheet and looked again at
his skills.
“It
might just work,” he murmured. He looked down at the wolf, who glared back
while extending a paw. “Either way I die. Might as well try and get some
payback at the same time.” Socrates leaned over to gauge the distance. About 40
feet to the hard ground. He then stared directly into the wolf’s eyes.
“Hey
you! Yes, you. Want a piece of me?”
The
wolf growled in defiance. Socrates almost lost his nerve. He took a deep
breath. “You can do this,” he said to himself. “Hope it works.” Socrates
stepped off the branch.
The
wolf’s eyes widened in surprise as Socrates hit her in the face feet first. The
force pulled her from the tree. She scrabbled with her claws for purchase.
Socrates bear hugged the wolf as they fell together. The ground rushed towards
them.
They
impacted the ground, the wolf yelping in fright and pain. The man grunted.
After
several long moments, sounds of birds and insects filled the silence. After a
longer breath of time, Socrates groaned and rolled off the wolf. Slowly,
stiffly, he sat up. Message bubbles filled his vision alerting him to what he’d
already known and felt. The damage he’d taken from the wolf’s claws in the
seconds of the fall were significant. Normally, that damage along with the fall
would have killed him, and sent him to the Death Waiting Room for nine hours to
reflect, before he could return to the game world. But, Cat’s Landing worked in
combination of using the wolf as a buffer.
Reminded
of the wolf, Socrates reached out, tentatively at first, to touch the rough
fur. The wolf did not stir. Looking closer, the life bar was empty. He smiled,
reached for his skinning knife, and stopped. Moving his hand through the fur,
it suddenly didn’t feel right to just skin it. The wolf would disappear once
the skinning was done. He wanted to savor the moment, the exhilaration of
defeating his first great foe, and being alive. He smiled, chewed on a healing
herb that healed over time, and arched back to feel the warmth of the sun and
the cool prickle of the grass.
Low
growls drew his attention past the nearest trees. Several wolves appeared.
There looked to be five, then seven, then nine. Most were adults, with a couple
of pups.
Socrates
scrabbled backwards. Pain aching through his body, as he used a tree trunk to
climb to his feet. Climbing a tree was out of the question, not with this pack.
Fighting was just as hopeless.
The
wolves did not attack. Something or someone held them back. Socrates took slow
steps backwards not turning away from the pack. He knew at any moment they
would leap forward and he’d be done.
Another
wolf appeared, larger than the others. The pack made space for the beast. It had
reddish brown fur. A scar slashed between the eyes and down the nose. It
woofed, and the pack grew instantly silent.
The arrow sliced the air. The rabbit turned its head, eyes widening. Socrates sensed he aimed true—until the head of another wolf appeared, jaws reaching for the rabbit. Only the arrow, intended for the rabbit, sheared the wolf’s ear and landed point buried at the feet of the hare. The wolf yelped with pain.
Socrates cursed, as he reached for another arrow, fumbled it, and watched it land in the high grass.
Father rabbit disappeared into the trees.
The wolf snarled at Socrates. Glaring, she crouched as if gauging the distance to her new prey.
Drawing another arrow, Socrates’ hands shook. He suddenly felt a shortness of breath. The sun felt hotter. “Come on, breathe, breathe, breathe.” Repeating the word, he struggled to steady his limbs. The wolf’s calmness, as she stared balefully, sent a chill through his body. “You can do this. Take a breath. Hold, and…”
He released the arrow. The wolf leaped. The arrow missed badly. The wolf zigged and zagged, closing the distance. Socrates ran.
Placing the bow in an equipment slot, Socrates pumped his arms for greater speed. The grove was too spread out. The trees grew closer with each stride. His breath felt sharper as he pumped his arms. The fatigue bar was close to red lining, dropping below fifteen percent. When it did, he’d collapse and be wolf food.
His instincts screamed, ‘Dive!’ He tumbled right. The hair on the back of his neck tickled as he sensed then saw the wolf’s shadow rise over him. Its rear claws found purchase on his back, pushing off powerfully and leaving a searing line of pain. His roll became a sprawl, grass whipped sharply against his face and arms. Sweat slicked his back, enflaming from the wolf’s claws.
A message box appeared before his face, translucent so that he could see his surroundings through the text: “You’ve been clawed by a matron wolf avenging its mate. 8pts damage plus one bleed point per minute unless bound.” Socrates was suddenly reminded that he was inside a virtual world.
Dismissing the message, Socrates breathing slowed, readied to sprint, and froze. The heavy growl in the wolf’s throat left the man drained of energy. His arms hung at his sides as his breathing slowly settled.
This was it, Socrates thought. First death in the game. Too soon to earn the “undying” bonus for lasting three game weeks, as he’d only been fully immersed in this three-dimensional world for three hours.
A couple strides away, Socrates spotted trees with climbable branches. But they might as well be a hundred meters with the angry animal in his way. Socrates racked his brain for a solution, any option that could save him.
Suddenly, an idea came to him.
The wolf crouched, growling low in her throat.
The man reached into his inventory.
The wolf leaped.
Jaws closed toward Socrates’ head. He grunted with effort, shoving the bow into the wolf’s mouth, and used the animal’s momentum to push himself away.
Reaching the first tree, he gripped the rough bark and scrambled up the trunk to the first branches, the second, and finally the third. Sitting exhausted, he looked down at the wolf. It bounded from broken bow to the tree.
Socrates smiled in relief that he was safe for the moment. He’d wait until the wolf got tired and left. His smile froze with horror as the wolf leapt and scrambled onto the first branch. She stared at him, and then the next branch.
Socrates muttered, “No, no, no…”
The wolf leaped, scrabbled with its claws, and…
The wolf climbed to the second branch. She watched as the man raised his legs and stood. She seemed to grin with triumph and expectation.
