Coffee Shop Chronicles: Reflections on the Unresolved

FullSizeRender (5)Starbucks

Plymouth, MI

November 2006


I’m here to celebrate a good job phone interview.  So I’m here drinking my cappuccino and writing it all down.

I feel lonely here in this coffee shop full of people, and I’m distracted.  I’m paranoid of the boys hanging out down the street near my Penn State flag-waving car. They’re just out of my vision from this table at the window.

I’m finally eating lunch, a turkey and cheese sandwich on a sesame bagel, along with my vanilla cappuccino.  I was feeling a bit shaky, and that’s been happening a lot lately.  Maybe it’s the caffeine?  Maybe I’m eating less food?  Jobless, I don’t have a real schedule yet.  This feeling, it hits me all of a sudden, a shaky, frantic feeling that goes away as soon as I eat food.

Hey, look at that.  Two women at the table in front of me discuss a menu of some sort. Do they use balls or pats of butter?  Should they have pre-tossed salads or individual containers?  The woman in charge says to her client, “I learn so much from you, how you organize your committee.”

I wonder what the meal is for.  They’re part of a community somewhere.  What job are they doing?  What event?  What are they working on?  I wish I knew, and I wish I was doing that.  I want someone to appreciate me and my perspectives.

Now they discuss using salad dressing containers without lids.  That’s not a good idea because of the safety and spill issues.  Also, there’s not enough for each table.  I remember my wedding and how we had simple food, not some huge catered event.  Big money was spent on the photographer because everyone remembers the photos, not if your salad dressing was in a plastic or ceramic bowl.

And now my husband calls like he knows I’m thinking of him.  He’s frustrated about some music thing with a DVD or CD set.  I turned my phone off.  I came here to write and to think about this job thing.

I had a good phone interview.  The position is in a division that is creating a new area of concentration, so this is a brand new, never-done-before job opportunity.  How exciting!  Within 15 minutes, I was invited for a face-to-face.  I couldn’t stop myself from doing one of those arm pumps in the air and mouthing a silent yessss before composing myself back to finish the interview.

I answered some unexpected questions rather well, and now I know to prepare these for the future.  “Is this position below you?” (the “overqualified” question everyone asks).  “What about challenges?” (a sub-question of “overqualified”).  “What pay are you looking for?  Why do you want this job?” and so on.

I feel good, and I haven’t felt good in this job search.  I danced before the interview just because, and not even to a favorite song.  I danced wildly in the living room afterwards when “Billie Jean” kicked on XM Radio.

Celebrate good moments when they occur!

The kids I spied lingering around my car are gone.  I used an excuse to go outside because it’s chilly in here and I needed to warm up.  My car is safe.

This is the first position I’m excited about.  Not just another this-could-be-a-good-opportunity position, but really excited.  Why?  Is it the PR/communications aspect?  Maybe.  I took control of the interview.  I let my personality show through as well.  I stuttered a bit, but I was confident.  Definitely need intelligent questions for the face-to-face.

What about that other job?  It either will or will not be.  I’m thankful for options.  It’s frustrating, too, doing all this work and not having anything substantial to show for it.  Still, opportunities keep popping up.  I’m anticipating the interview.

I can prove myself.

I will.  Whether it’s this job or another one, I will.

I’m just happy.  There’s no one to talk to here or share my excitement.

I’ll turn my phone on now.


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    • Sue Remisiewicz on September 11, 2016 at 5:50 pm
    • Reply

    Diana, I like your musings. Did you get the job?

    1. Actually…no. This was followed up by a job that I did get…good start, then downhill…left that 3.5 years later. By then, however, I knew what I wanted and what I would not tolerate…in others and in myself.

  1. Diana, I felt your anxiety and loneliness in this piece, as well as your excitement and joy. You played with many of my emotions. And just so you know, I appreciate you and your perspectives.

    1. Thank you, Kelly. *blush*

      Sitting in coffeeshops, or wherever, and freewriting about life…those streams of consciousness…can produce intensity looking back. Sometimes intensity at that moment.

    • Barbara Pattee on August 25, 2016 at 2:45 pm
    • Reply

    I enjoyed reading your reflections.

    1. Thank you, Barbara. I’m glad when my writing touches others.

    • Karen Kittrell on August 21, 2016 at 2:27 pm
    • Reply

    Good luck on getting to the next step in your job hunt. You do a great job of capturing your mixed feelings of uncertainty and confidence – so much tension.

    1. Thanks; the job event happened years ago, yet the experience still applies today. Writing and promoting my books requires courage. Those times so far I’ve been successful, I squeal in that giddy little girl way.

    2. Well, this was a look back at a time when uncertainty was smack up in front of my face. It’s interesting to see how my perspectives have changed through the years, and how much my thought processes/attitudes have stayed the same.

      There is always tension in the uncertain.

    • Yibbity on August 20, 2016 at 6:45 am
    • Reply

    Felt like I was right there with you. Nice writing.

    1. Thank you. I try to convey that. Glad I’m succeeding. 🙂

    2. Thank you. I appreciate that. 🙂

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