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Jan 24

Help Wanted: Minions

I have a lot of stuff to do.  First on my list are the things I have to do to maintain my life.  Obtaining food/water, shelter, and clothing make up the basics.  It’s what people have been doing from the dawn of humankind.  If I don’t do the modern equivalents – work my job, buy groceries and clothes, maintain my house – I may very well become extinct.

Second on the list are the things I should do.  Guilt often goes hand in hand with the ‘shoulds.’  Losing weight, exercising, volunteering – all are well and good, but not easy to fit into a busy schedule.  That creates major stressors.  Cavemen had their stressors, too.  However, I think that once you managed to outrun the saber-toothed cat of the day, you could pretty much let it go and enjoy your mammoth meat without ruminating over whether or not it would make your thighs bigger.

Last on the list are the things I want to do.  You know, travel, hobbies, writing, entertainment, socializing, etc.; all the stuff that gets put on the backburner in favor of the ‘must dos’ and the ‘should dos.’  How ironic is it that modern life imposes so much overhead to the basics of obtaining food/water, shelter, and clothing that we don’t have more time for leisurely pursuits?  We have to obtain and maintain cars.  We deal with endless paperwork that must be read, filed, filled out, paid, and tossed or shredded.  Electronics are meant to be fun except when they aren’t because they’ve gone on the fritz and you have to deal with the problems.  The list of upkeep duties is long and large.

What’s a person to do?  I’m thinking having minions is the answer.  I admit to being somewhat inspired to this thought from seeing the trailer for the cartoon movie “Minions.”  Having a bunch of these lovable goofs doing my bidding sounds kind of fun.  However, the “Despicable Me” movies notwithstanding, minions have a bad reputation given they are usually depicted serving the needs of evil masters set upon ruling the world.  The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines a minion as “someone who is not powerful or important and who obeys the orders of a powerful leader or boss.”  See that?  It says “powerful leader or boss” not megalomaniacal madman out to become overlord of the human race.  A secondary definition is “one highly favored.”  I know I would certainly appreciate someone who does all the stuff I don’t want to do.

So, I’m putting out the help wanted sign to bring in some minions.  The salary: zero.  I mean, a minion will do the job just for the satisfaction of serving the leader – right?  I won’t require any evil deeds to be done, but if it makes a minion happy I can produce an evil laugh when assigning him or her to shred my finance statements.  I can wear grey suits while my cat, Calder, sits in my lap being stroked as I give orders.  See?  This can work!

Care to apply?  No experience required.  Leave comments for more details.

6 comments

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  1. Kelly Bixby

    Sue, I want minions too! Deep down, I know it’s true that we have much more leisure time than our ancestors ever did. But somehow the days are overflowing with busyness. I enjoyed your take on our crazy lives. Fun post.

  2. Book Lover

    I honestly believe that my preschool age grandson believes that we are all minions to him. He delights in telling family members what to do and has a “hissy” fit when we don’t comply.

    1. Sue Remisiewicz

      Hmmm… Wonder what he’ll be when he grows up? Overlord of the human race or maybe a CEO? 🙂

      1. Book Lover

        Hopefully a CEO.

  3. Phil Rosette

    Minions don’t work, Sue. I tried to use them years ago but they wanted food, clothing and shelter. That was fine, but then they gave me a list of things to buy for them like televisions, iPads and cellphones. I went along with that, too, for a while. I finally cast them all out when they went on strike for paid vacation, sick leave and, get this, overtime! Make babies instead. Much cheaper, and your kids can’t sue you until they turn 18.

    1. Sue Remisiewicz

      I always suspected that unpaid help is an unspoken motive for having kids!

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